Teaching Love
To me as a parent, the most important thing I want to teach my children is to love each other and others around them. I want them to be lifelong friends. What are some ways that you teach your children about loving each other?
Here are some ways that I try to encourage a loving attitude in our home:
Being a good example.
This is not always easy, and I still have a lot of improving to do in this area! When I am offended or frustrated, I have to remember that the way that I respond is my children's example. Do I want my children to react to offenses in the same way that I am reacting? If not, then I need to change something about the way I am behaving. If I act grouchy or irritable when I am not feeling well, then I cannot expect my children to do much better. I want to be the kind of parent that my children can and should imitate. I look to Michelle Duggar as a very positive role model in this area and strive to be gentle, compassionate, and understanding like she is with her children. With Christ's help, it is possible!
The way my husband and I interact is also an opportunity to be an example for them. Our children's little eyes are always watching, and I always want them to see that James and I are best friends and treat each other as such at all times.
Telling them how much I love them every day.
It seems obvious but it is sometimes easy to get so caught up in a busy lifestyle and forget to make an effort to tell each child how much you love them. Sometimes we just expect them to just "know", but it is so important to remind our children as often as possible how important they are to us and how much we love them. You can never tell them you love them too many times. If your children know they are loved, they are going to automatically be more loving to others.
Telling them about how much God loves them, and encouraging a spirit of gratitude..
Never miss an opportunity to tell your children how much God loves them. Bring God up in everything. Remind them constantly to be thankful for what they have been blessed with. Say things like, "Aren't you so thankful that God gave us your little brother/sister? I love him/her so much, don't you?", "I am so thankful that even though we are sick today, we are blessed because it could have been so much worse, and God is really taking care of us, isn't He?", etc.
Having them write encouraging notes to each other.
About a year ago, my husband and I started writing weekly notes to each other. We make sure to include 5 or more positive things about each other in those notes. Examples: "I really appreciated it when you helped me with the laundry yesterday. ", and "I enjoyed eating out with you the other day.", and "I love the way you looked in that blue shirt." These are just tiny little statements, but they have had a tremendous impact in our life. Doing this has really helped our relationship to flourish in such a wonderful way, and has made us closer than ever before. (Also, I really love looking back on all of the notes and remembering all of the good times we've shared).
I realized recently that since this approach was so good for us, it might also be a good idea for the kids to do for each other as well, so I started having them write a small note to each sibling each week. I have one journal for them to share for this purpose. Their notes need only has to be one sentence each- one for each sibling- and it really forces them to think of the positive things instead of dwelling on negative things about each other.
Here are some examples of the children's notes to each other:
From Noah - "Ian, I like playing hide and seek with you."
"Bonnie, I loved playing cowboys and indians with you!"
From Bonnie - "Caleb, I like the song you made up."
"Annah, you have the cutest little face!"
From Caleb - "Noah, I like it when you play on the trampoline with me!
"Bonnie, you draw really nice pictures!"
I also write my own notes to them in the same journal.
Nipping their fights in the bud.
Kids can find anything to fight about, and mine argue every day. As soon as I hear one starting, I first have to try to rid myself of my own bad attitude...because my first impulse is to groan and say, Not again...seriously, when will they ever learn?", and I'm tempted to just yell, "Stop it already!" ...because it's easier than dealing with it. But then I have to remind myself that it is MY behavior they learn from. It is my job to teach them by example and to train them. When I remember this, I take each child and ask them if they think they are showing each other love (The answer is always no, of course). I try to be patient and listen to their complaint IF it appears to be a legitimate problem (if it's not, I tell them to treat each other with kindness and do not worry with details because they are irrelevant). Then I tell them about a loving and peaceful way that each one could do to solve the problem. (The only way to have JOY is to think of Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself last).
Humbling my self when I am wrong.
This is not always easy for me! Sometimes if I have had a hard day and one of the kids does many things wrong during the day and I get frustrated and respond in a grouchy way, I will not want to apologize because I feel like it will somehow make the child feel like their behavior is being excused. However, nothing is further from the truth! When I actually humble myself to apologize when I am wrong, I am teaching them by my example. They are learning from me how to behave, and will be more likely to apologize to each other when they have wronged each other, instead of clinging to their pride. It may not be an immediate result but over the years I have seen a positive impact of my being willing to apologize to them- they are following the example that has been set for them.
1 John 4:7-8
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.
Here are some ways that I try to encourage a loving attitude in our home:
Being a good example.
This is not always easy, and I still have a lot of improving to do in this area! When I am offended or frustrated, I have to remember that the way that I respond is my children's example. Do I want my children to react to offenses in the same way that I am reacting? If not, then I need to change something about the way I am behaving. If I act grouchy or irritable when I am not feeling well, then I cannot expect my children to do much better. I want to be the kind of parent that my children can and should imitate. I look to Michelle Duggar as a very positive role model in this area and strive to be gentle, compassionate, and understanding like she is with her children. With Christ's help, it is possible!
The way my husband and I interact is also an opportunity to be an example for them. Our children's little eyes are always watching, and I always want them to see that James and I are best friends and treat each other as such at all times.
Telling them how much I love them every day.
It seems obvious but it is sometimes easy to get so caught up in a busy lifestyle and forget to make an effort to tell each child how much you love them. Sometimes we just expect them to just "know", but it is so important to remind our children as often as possible how important they are to us and how much we love them. You can never tell them you love them too many times. If your children know they are loved, they are going to automatically be more loving to others.
Telling them about how much God loves them, and encouraging a spirit of gratitude..
Never miss an opportunity to tell your children how much God loves them. Bring God up in everything. Remind them constantly to be thankful for what they have been blessed with. Say things like, "Aren't you so thankful that God gave us your little brother/sister? I love him/her so much, don't you?", "I am so thankful that even though we are sick today, we are blessed because it could have been so much worse, and God is really taking care of us, isn't He?", etc.
Having them write encouraging notes to each other.
About a year ago, my husband and I started writing weekly notes to each other. We make sure to include 5 or more positive things about each other in those notes. Examples: "I really appreciated it when you helped me with the laundry yesterday. ", and "I enjoyed eating out with you the other day.", and "I love the way you looked in that blue shirt." These are just tiny little statements, but they have had a tremendous impact in our life. Doing this has really helped our relationship to flourish in such a wonderful way, and has made us closer than ever before. (Also, I really love looking back on all of the notes and remembering all of the good times we've shared).
I realized recently that since this approach was so good for us, it might also be a good idea for the kids to do for each other as well, so I started having them write a small note to each sibling each week. I have one journal for them to share for this purpose. Their notes need only has to be one sentence each- one for each sibling- and it really forces them to think of the positive things instead of dwelling on negative things about each other.
Here are some examples of the children's notes to each other:
From Noah - "Ian, I like playing hide and seek with you."
"Bonnie, I loved playing cowboys and indians with you!"
From Bonnie - "Caleb, I like the song you made up."
"Annah, you have the cutest little face!"
From Caleb - "Noah, I like it when you play on the trampoline with me!
"Bonnie, you draw really nice pictures!"
I also write my own notes to them in the same journal.
Nipping their fights in the bud.
Kids can find anything to fight about, and mine argue every day. As soon as I hear one starting, I first have to try to rid myself of my own bad attitude...because my first impulse is to groan and say, Not again...seriously, when will they ever learn?", and I'm tempted to just yell, "Stop it already!" ...because it's easier than dealing with it. But then I have to remind myself that it is MY behavior they learn from. It is my job to teach them by example and to train them. When I remember this, I take each child and ask them if they think they are showing each other love (The answer is always no, of course). I try to be patient and listen to their complaint IF it appears to be a legitimate problem (if it's not, I tell them to treat each other with kindness and do not worry with details because they are irrelevant). Then I tell them about a loving and peaceful way that each one could do to solve the problem. (The only way to have JOY is to think of Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself last).
Humbling my self when I am wrong.
This is not always easy for me! Sometimes if I have had a hard day and one of the kids does many things wrong during the day and I get frustrated and respond in a grouchy way, I will not want to apologize because I feel like it will somehow make the child feel like their behavior is being excused. However, nothing is further from the truth! When I actually humble myself to apologize when I am wrong, I am teaching them by my example. They are learning from me how to behave, and will be more likely to apologize to each other when they have wronged each other, instead of clinging to their pride. It may not be an immediate result but over the years I have seen a positive impact of my being willing to apologize to them- they are following the example that has been set for them.
1 John 4:7-8
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.
Posted by Bethany at 9/14/2011 9:23 AM 
Categories: Hubby and Me, homeschooling, Random Thoughts, Life's Lessons, Homeschooling, God, Family
Categories: Hubby and Me, homeschooling, Random Thoughts, Life's Lessons, Homeschooling, God, Family
I totally struggle with this EVERYDAY. My children grumble and nit pick at eachother, and I respond just as irritated and grumpy if I'm not careful. It doesn't help to yell "Stop being so mean to eachother!" when you are being mean yourself. Thanks for the reminder Bethany!
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you are so wonderfully correct, such simple, yet moving comments here, Bethany! I had an aha moment when watching Oprah's show some years ago. She had a guest on the show that I don't recall anything about and yet one statement made just struck me and changed me immediately... she said, you can get in the habit of NOT treating your loved-ones with the courtesy you extend to even strangers you meet on the streets, when your loved ones deserve that same respect and nice treatment and it needs to be a conscious thing sometimes to be NICE to those you live with and those you love instead of grouchy. I made a point of trying to remember that and put it in practice each and every day and our home immediately became more peaceful for all of us there. You know the secret while your children are young, I wish I would've. So often I took out every day frustrations on my family and it made the household so tense I wish I could go back and redo some of those times. We can't ever go back so I try now to remember that also. Thanks again, Bethany. You are so very wise!
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I am going to print this up and read it to the kids when they get home.Thanks I think this will help our family.We always need these little reminders
Have a great day!!!
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Great post, Bethany! Some of what you've written is convicting for me. A few of the points you made (like responding to frustration in a more Godly fashion) are things I have had on my mind a lot lately. The reminder is very timely for me! Thanks for sharing.
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I agree! One of the most important things to me, as a mom, is to help my children love each other and cherish each other. One of the things we have done recently is put up a family mail box in our school room. We found a real mail box (the wall mounted kind) at the thrift store. Everyone enjoys leaving mail for each other and getting sweet notes and drawings from one another. Even daddy leaves notes in the mail box!
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Bethany, I am crying after reading this, thank you so much for being an inspiration FOR ME! I am a new homeschooling mom this year and there are days I dont think I can do another day. I always want to show my boys 8 & 6 love, but my goodness, some days are so hard ( I also am now home due to chronic pain issues that I deal with). I am going to read this EVERY MORNING along with my Parenting with God Journal. Thank you so much for what you do. You are precious and your family as well.
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