Been Thinking
I've been thinking a lot lately and I have just wondered about whether if my murals are worth having around or not. I have started to doubt myself and wonder if I really have what it takes to do it. I wonder if I have made an awful mess on the walls that people just have to put up with because they paid me to do the job. I know that I am being silly but this is how I really feel right now.
Painting on a brick surface has been a learning curve for me, big time. I am so used to drawing on a smooth paper, and I can get such crisp and clear results (see an example here ), that when I work on a brick surface and see how bumpy and unstable the images really are up close, it is frustrating. Even after spending hours and hours trying to refine them.
I was okay with it for a while though, because I thought that achieving smooth lines on a mural really couldn't be done that well, or that it was just really, really hard to do. It made me feel better to think this way, I guess.
But then, another muralist started painting a mural in town and with such ease, he has painted some beautiful lettering on the wall, and it is brick too. He has drawn things with conciseness that I thought would have been impossible with that kind of surface, and I really feel embarrassed seeing my own mural after looking at what he has been able to accomplish without nearly as much effort (it seems). I found that he might be using an airbrush to paint the fine details, which would definitely make it easier, but still...his level of skill is just incredible to me regardless. I wish I had thought to use an airbrush...seems like that would have made things work so much more smoothly!
He does have a lot more experience than I do- over 20 years. But even considering that, I feel like I should be able to do much better. I guess I just need more practice. My son, Caleb, was so sweet. I was looking at the mural with him and telling him that this guy's work is so good, and he said, "It's not as good as yours though"....I said, "I don't know. He has the ability to do so much...it looks so good, and he has only spent a few days on it. Maybe one day I'll be that good." Caleb said then, "That's what I mean, mom...just imagine, if you're this good right now, and you just started- just imagine where you'll be in 20 years!" I gave him a hug and told him he is the sweetest person. What would I do without him?
Okay. I feel better now. Sometimes it helps just to write it all out and let it go!
Painting on a brick surface has been a learning curve for me, big time. I am so used to drawing on a smooth paper, and I can get such crisp and clear results (see an example here ), that when I work on a brick surface and see how bumpy and unstable the images really are up close, it is frustrating. Even after spending hours and hours trying to refine them.
I was okay with it for a while though, because I thought that achieving smooth lines on a mural really couldn't be done that well, or that it was just really, really hard to do. It made me feel better to think this way, I guess.
But then, another muralist started painting a mural in town and with such ease, he has painted some beautiful lettering on the wall, and it is brick too. He has drawn things with conciseness that I thought would have been impossible with that kind of surface, and I really feel embarrassed seeing my own mural after looking at what he has been able to accomplish without nearly as much effort (it seems). I found that he might be using an airbrush to paint the fine details, which would definitely make it easier, but still...his level of skill is just incredible to me regardless. I wish I had thought to use an airbrush...seems like that would have made things work so much more smoothly!
He does have a lot more experience than I do- over 20 years. But even considering that, I feel like I should be able to do much better. I guess I just need more practice. My son, Caleb, was so sweet. I was looking at the mural with him and telling him that this guy's work is so good, and he said, "It's not as good as yours though"....I said, "I don't know. He has the ability to do so much...it looks so good, and he has only spent a few days on it. Maybe one day I'll be that good." Caleb said then, "That's what I mean, mom...just imagine, if you're this good right now, and you just started- just imagine where you'll be in 20 years!" I gave him a hug and told him he is the sweetest person. What would I do without him?
Okay. I feel better now. Sometimes it helps just to write it all out and let it go!
Oh Bethany, big *hugz*. You are and awesome artist...please don't be discouraged. You are doing wonderfully, no matter what you think. And you're son is right. Take heart. One day, you will have surpassed all you can imagine!
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I think everything you have done looks beautiful.Your very talented.
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This just makes you human is all. Your work is amazing Bethany and when I see it I ask MYSELF "how does she do it??" I showed Jason the murals (as I always check the updates) and he always says you're amazing and just can't believe you can do it and with all the kids too it's unbelievable. You are an amazing artist and Caleb is right. You are so good now, at such a young age, I cannot imagine how good you'll be in 20 years. It's the same as me. Tomorrow I start my first clinical on the OB floor. I am scared to death. I am learning...a student. I will give injections, I will give an apgar score to a newborn. I will feel inferior to all the experienced nurses. I doubt myself....and then when it's all done I have learned more. It's what it's all about. In 20 years I think I'll probably be a pretty darn good nurse.
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I've been reading your blog for a while, but I don't think I've commented before. One of the reasons I like your blog is the mural stuff, which is something I'm learning to do. I've only done one so far, a window-sized mural in my daughter's room. While I've done quite a bit of painting in the past, that one small mural turned out to be a lot harder and a lot more time-consuming that I expected. So from my perspective, your murals are AMAZING. I can't even imagine tackling the whole side of a building. Just doing a flat paint on something that size would be daunting, never mind doing it on brick and then trying to make it look like something beautiful. Plus, almost all of my paintings (the mural included) are almost copied from photographs. I have no ability whatsoever for drawing or painting from imagination, and even minor alterations to the scene in the photo give me problems. Even for something as simple and cartoon-ish as your daycare mural, I would be googling for a picture (clip-art?) to print out and work from. So yeah... your murals are awesome. I hope someday I can paint as well as you do.
Plus, ANYTHING is better than a bare brick wall. I'd rather see a mural that looks like a child's finger-painting than just boring bricks - at least there'd be some color. If your letting is legible and I can tell what the picture is supposed to look like, even better. So while I don't know what your customers think about your work, I would bet that most people who drive by and see it are appreciative. Yeah, maybe the other guy does better stuff, but that's okay. Your work is still valuable and wonderful. Don't be so hard on yourself.
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Caleb is 100% right. You are a fantastic artist Bethany and you are still learning, but you do much more than so many people could ever do. I'm doing good if I can draw stick figures. Sometimes I wonder how you manage to do so much and be so good at it! You are a fantastic gardener, great Mom - most important of course, wonderful at fixing things yourself, great at sewing and cooking, and a self-taught artist with a God given gift! Never doubt your abilities as God blessed you with them. Also, remember, that until you approached the city about the idea of a mural it never really occurred to them and now look how many murals there are! The mural for the electric company I think was a challenging one not just because of the wall but because honestly the subject was just hard to convey on a wall I think. Regardless, your work is phenomenal and you should be proud of it, I'm proud of you!
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God has given you a wonderful talent and ability. I see your murals and am intimidated by them. Simply because you make it look so easy, but thinking about doing something like that myself is overwhelming! Yet I am very inspired by your work. I just must focus on the inspiration. There is always room for improvement and learning new methods and things, but what you have created is gorgeous. Don't let his work intimidate you. Let it inspire you!
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Bethany, your work is beautiful. Your son has it just right.
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What Betsy said!
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Ooooh, Bethany! Our town would be thrilled!!! to have an artist like yourself beautify our town like you've done for your own. Your work is a treasure and I know your own home town feels the same. Never compare. Each artist is so unique. You should never see your expressions as inferior. Never. You are so amazingly talented. God has truly blessed you.
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you're an artist and I'm sure you're going to be more critical of your work than those of us who aren't artists, that's what makes an artist improve, that questioning of yourself, it's not good enough, how can I make it perfect. You're very talented, I think you're amazingly talented. Don't stop doing your murals, I'm sure there are many many people who drive past them every day that are astonished at their beauty and amazed at your talent!
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Bethany, I think most artists have moments of doubt. But you should have no fear. Your work is excellent and to be honest, I prefer the less perfect/glitzy look to the perfect. I prefer the older Wallace and Grommits, for example, than the newer creations that are flawless. To work on brick with a paitbrush the way you did shows tremendous talent! Listen to your son!
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Bethany,
Your work is wonderful and Caleb is one smart boy to see that! What a blessing to have met another experienced muralist - someone to learn from!! Someday you'll be passing your knowledge down to someone else. God works in mysterious ways.
This is an older post so I hope you see this comment. I've been thinking of you!
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