"I groaned as I heard the small cries coming from the twins' bedroom. The blackness of he night still wrapped it's arms around the house. Surely it couldn't be morning already.  Through one half-opened eye, I glanced at the floursecent clock. It was already 5:30 a.m.  "Oh no!" I moaned and put the pillow on top of my head to block out the increasing wails of two hungry babies.
    I'm not sure if I can face another day, I sighed.  Another day of nursing babies, feeding children, building block castles, cleaning house, doing laundry, and longing for the day to be oevr. The monotony of it all seemed overwhelming. I felt "stuck in a rut" with no end in sight.
    It is easy for mothers of young children to find themselves suffering from monotony. There appears to be no end in sight to our daily tasks. We get through one day, go to bed, and awaken the next morning to find the very same chores facing us again.
    A sense of isolation surrounds us, and we feel alone in our tasks. Much of our day is spent by ourselves entertaining and caring for small children. The absence of other adult conversation can cause us to feel like our brains have turned to mush. In addition, we may be ashamed of our feelings of frustration.  Perhaps we hesitate to share our emotions with a friend because we are embarrassed. And that loneliness then compounds the feeling of being stuck in a rut. We are fearful that we won't be understood and accepted.
    Because our hands are full with seemingly simple tasks, we may find that small issues upset us more than we feel they should.
    The living room that was clean this morning is already a mess by lunch time, and we are irritated. Why do the children have to mess up every room? One of our toddler's shoes is missing again right when we need to go to the grocery store. Who ever thought shoes could become such a source of irritation?
    Somehow the pictures we had of family life did not include runny noses, upset tummies, messy homes, whining children, and exhausted moms. We had envisioned clean babies happily cooing at their parents. Our anticipation had been one of total fulfillment once we had kids. Is it any wonder that our experience is tinged with disillusionment?
    Is it possible to sense fulfillment in a household of small children?  How do we acquire a proper perspective on this special time in our lives?  Is it possible for this season to become one of enjoyment rather than of pure endurance?

    A common problem for all mothers is the feeling of guilt. We feel guilty in parenting because we look at so many other mothers who seem to be doing everything right, and we know we aren't.
    We experience guilt because sometimes we actually find we don't even like our children! And, of course, we feel we should like our children all the time! Perhaps we have strong feelings of anger about our situation, and the anger brings on guilt, because we feel we shouldn't feel angry. Often our behavior is  bad and we feel guilty. Guilt may be caused by any number of things but more often than not, it is the result of either unrealistic expectations or wrong attitudes and behavior.
    Our expectations come from several different sources. They come from the role models that our parents provided. They are shaped by our husband's views, our in-laws, by our friends and by ourselves. For each person the sources will differ as will the degree to which these expectations shape our concept of how we are doing the job of mothering.
    I have found that in my own life, the greatest pressure I felt in terms of expectations came from myself. I was fortunate to be raised in a solid, loving Christian family, and then to marry into one as well. I came into marriage and parenting expecting that because of my background I should certainly be able to do the job well. When all the kids arrived, I became tired, crabby, depressed, and I felt guilty because I was continually falling short of the expectations I had set for myself.  Susan, you don't have any excuses. You have been richly blessed. I would often say to myself.
   The guilt that I felt from not living up to my own standards would grow. My husband and parents were supportive, but I was dissatisfied with myself. Slowly I began to realize that the expectations I was putting on myself were not realistic! 
    We should take a hard look at the expectations we have established for ourselves and determine whether they are realistic ones.  It may help to determine where those expectations have come from.  Did they originate with our spouses, our friends, our family, or ourselves? It's helpful to sit down and have a talk with one's own husband and ask him what his expectation is of me and share my feelings with him. Together, as mates, we can discuss what is relistic and what isn't for our unique families.
    It is important that we see what is right for us. There is a great temptation to look at other people. She's got two children and she can really handle it. I'm about to die with one! What's wrong with me?  We are all made differently, and we have different levels of "cope-ability".
    We can learn from one another and be encouraged by each other. WE can even share the discouragement we feel. However, we must be careful when we compare ourselves to others. We must remember that we are all made uniquely, and as we learn to appreciate these differences, we'll have a better outlook on ourselves.
    Another common cause of guilt is our own wrong attitudes or wrong behavior. The Bible calls this sin. While
that word may make us feel terribly uncomfortable, the best way to handle this problem is to boldly face up to the reality of our sin and seek forgiveness. Leave the arguing and the justifying aside for a moment. Sin is a universal problem. Often when we think of sin we think of the big obvious offenses like lying, stealing, or murder.  Rarely do we think of envy, jealousy, or bitterness.   However, on a daily basis it is more common for us to experience bad attitudes like these.  Perhaps a negative attitude is expressed in envy toward a friend with small children who has household help when we don't, or bitterness because we had an unfortunate home life of our own, and therefore we don't have a good experience to emulate in parenting.
    A common critical attitude experienced by mothers of small children is simply resentment-- we resent being cooped up for another cold rainy day; we resent having to pay another pediatrician's bill rather than purchasing that new chair; we resent our frustrations, discouragement, and fatigue.
    There have been many mornings when I awoke with a bad attitude about the day.  I didn't want to get up, to speak to anyone, to take care of anyone.   The prospect of a whole day ahead was actually depressing.  I quickly learned that if I did not get that attitude straight right away, someone in my family was going to suffer!  I would talk to God and tell Him exactly how I felt, ask His forgiveness for my bad attitude, and ask him to tive me a joy and a peace about the day ahead. 
    Many times during the day, I might have to go back to Him with the same requests. The amazing thing is that he never gets tired of hearing me, of forgiving me, and continuing to work His changing power within me.  He doesn't say, "Oh no, not Susan again!" He loves each of us very much and He can use the children we have to mold us into the women He has created us to be. His understanding, His forgiveness, and His changing power have no limit.