HCG levels down to 267- and pictures of Blessing
I haven't posted much about my second miscarriage lately, mainly because it was difficult to write about this time....and I felt like I had already been depressing people long enough. I have given myself a little more time to heal and now I am feeling better. I still have ups and downs but I poured out everything in my heart to God, and I think that He has helped lift my burden from me. My levels are down to 267 now, and they are still declining. I will be tested in about 2 more weeks to see whether they are down to 0.... my doctor told me that by then, if they are down to zero, she will do some blood work to test and see what could possibly be the cause of the miscarriages. This came as a BIG comfort to me, as I was worried about trying for another who would possibly die again. I have been so worried this might happen. I wanted to know the cause, but they (the on call doctors, not my regular doctor) had told me previously that they don't usually do testing until you've had three miscarriages. I was telling a friend the other day, it felt like the on call doctors were playing russian roulette with my next child's life. It's like they really don't care, or consider it worth worrying about.
Thank goodness, my doctor is pro-life. She has also had two miscarriages and she knows how difficult it is to go through one. She is going to try to figure out the cause, if there is any, to see whether we can make any efforts towards making the next pregnancy safer. This has given me much relief in the last couple of days!!
(By the way, some of you have asked to see pictures of the first baby that I miscarried in February. I have pictures, and you can see the pictures at the link below...If you think the pictures might bother you, just do not click the link. (There is no blood, but emotionally it is hard for some people to handle.) At the same time, many people have told me that seeing these pictures helped bring them some sense of closure, and if it could do the same for you, it would make it worth it for me.)
Pictures
Thank goodness, my doctor is pro-life. She has also had two miscarriages and she knows how difficult it is to go through one. She is going to try to figure out the cause, if there is any, to see whether we can make any efforts towards making the next pregnancy safer. This has given me much relief in the last couple of days!!
(By the way, some of you have asked to see pictures of the first baby that I miscarried in February. I have pictures, and you can see the pictures at the link below...If you think the pictures might bother you, just do not click the link. (There is no blood, but emotionally it is hard for some people to handle.) At the same time, many people have told me that seeing these pictures helped bring them some sense of closure, and if it could do the same for you, it would make it worth it for me.)
Pictures
Dear Bethany,
I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that your doctor will find some answers for you.
Have you ever had your thyroid levels tested? I've dealt with this for some time and was told it can cause issues with pregnancy. Just thought I'd pass that along.
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its a relief that your doctor is pro-life! I sure hope that she can figure out whats wrong!
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I am so thankful that you have a pro-life doctor! What a blessing - doctors are advocates for your health care to begin with, so when they take your issues (or concerns) seriously, it is truly note-worthy.
I have looked at your little Blessing's picture before - I remember I was nervous as to what I would see, but Bethany, the pictures are so breathtaking! Being a new mom myself when I viewed them, I was never more in awe of our great Creator than at that moment. To see those little hands - it was just a reminder that God forms us all, in His image, and I just had to praise Him again, because - even though we may not understand everything - he is /good/. He cares for us and, as the Bible says, "...And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered." (Matthew 10:30) It is comfortig to know that.
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What a blessing to have a pro-life doctor.
Thank you for posting those pictures of your precious little one. I could only look at a couple of them. But how moving to see the one where your tiny child is held in your hand. I have never seen something like that before. As pro-life as I already am, I think I just became more so, if that were possible. How horrible to think that anyone would want to take the life of such a tiny, helpless human being.
And what an incredible witness and testimony it is that you can remain steadfast in your faith in the face of such difficult and often unacknowledged trials.
Have you heard the song "Glory Baby" by Watermark? It was written after they experienced two miscarriages, and it helped a dear friend of ours who went through something similar.
I'm new to your blog, I think I came here through Biblical Womanhood? I've enjoyed reading so far.
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Bethany,
I just wanted to say you are truly an amazing women! So are so strong and I admire that about you! Thank you for being so supportive of me the last few weeks. I have felt you prayers and appreciate them very much! Thank you!
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Sorry for all the typos in there. opps
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You are such a courageous woman. I am so glad that I came across your site. It enhances my day every time I read your posts. You have been an inspiration to me as a mother and a Christian woman. I pray that you find some resolution with your pregnancy loss. It has got to be very frustrating to not know what is causing the miscarriages, especially when you decided to discontinue using birth control. To fear getting pregnant for the loss, but the excitement of creating a miracle inside your body, is like nothing else. You have many emotional things to deal with. You are quite a woman. God bless you. Everything is in God's hands, and no matter how hard it is to see his plan at times, he has one for each one of us. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.
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(((((((hugs))))))))
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Sweet Bethany;
Glad you have such a terrific Doctor. Remember no matter what the Doctor says our Lord has the final word. I was diagnosed with Lupus Anti-coagulant disease after my third miscarriage. I was told the only way I could ever, if even, carry a baby was with daily injections of Heparin(blood thinner) and progesterone(my body would not produce). this past Wednesday morning I gave birth to my son, without ANY medication. Five years ago on the second of August I gave birth to my daughter, with NO medication. Our Saviour stepped in & made a way. I was terrified both times that something would happen, but I just kept praying and the Lord worked just as he will with you. You are truly amazing and such an example for many women. I know you have already touched so many lives and the Lord will continue to lead you. May God Bless you & know that many are praying for you.
Suzeq
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Suzeq, congratulations on your new baby!! That is so wonderful what God has done in your life. Thank you so much for the reassuring words.
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You continue to be in my prayers!
BTW, I got a question on my blog about oamc and shopping and how soon you start to cook afterwords. If you get a chance, please stop by, I would love to hear what you do.
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Bethany I am so sorry.(((HUGS)))I will continue to pray for you.
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I'm so sorry. My husband and I lost our son Samuel in April 06. I was 37 wks, he was stillborn. We found out at 22 wks that he wouldn't live and we chose to let God decide how things would go instead of doing what the dr.s wanted by ending it. I could never! God chose to take him Home. We've been greatly blessed to find out how our loss has helped other and I know the same is happening and will happen to you. I hs our 6 and 3 yr old boys and am so glad to find your blog. I need lots of encouragement from other hs moms and I see I can find that here.
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Dear Bethany,
I have enjoyed reading your blog for a while and love the joy you have for being a mother.
I have been "lurking" here since before your first miscarriage. I have felt so much compassion and understanding for you as I had several miscarriages too and have gone through many of the same experiences with doctors that you have. I was very glad to see that your doctor is going to test you: make sure that you ask to be tested for blood disorders. I had actually planned to write to you about this today (this is my first post) and then I saw that your doctor is going to do the testing. I can't remember the names of the tests but one is protein c, another is lupus anticoagulant, and there are a couple of others. If you like, I can email you links to websites that have more information. Doctors only discovered the first type in 1981 so is is relatively rare.
I almost died of a stroke on Mother's Day this year caused by a clotting disorder- I was in the hospital 24 days... - I won't go into the scary details, but I found out that this disease can cause miscarriages and premature delivery.
If you have one of the disorders, healthy pregnancies are very possible with the right treatment. And knowing about the disorders can help you remain healty do that you will see your own children grow up and enjoy grandchildren!
The fact that I am alive at all is a miracle: the fact that I am being healed and have recovered so well is something that the doctors are amazed about. I know that the prayers of my family and friends were what made the difference.
I know that God has spared my life for a reason: I hope that I am able to go back to my wonderful job as a first grade teacher. If I am not able to recover enough to give the children what they need I will find out what else God has in store for me.
I will tell you about one good thing that has come out of this: my sister and niece were tested and found that they have protein c deficiency. My sister was able to take precautions against clotting on her long flight to Cambodia last month on a 15 day mission trip.
I do believe that I need to spread the word about these diseases, because because it is not well known and some people say that the death rate from it is greater than breast cancer. It is usually genetic.
Feel free to email my if you wish: I know that I may sound a little disorganized, but I have been researching this and I know that if you have this it can make a difference in the outcome of your pregnancies.
Ginny Scarbrough
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Hi Bethany,
I hope my email wasn't too full of negative stuff. One thing that I forgot to mention is that I am 52 years old.
Ginny
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Kim, I am so sorry for your loss of your son Samuel! Thank you so much for the kind words. I really appreciate them.
Ginny, no, your post was not too negative at all! You have been a very big help!! I am going to tell the doctor to please look at blood disorders as well as progesterone (another suggestion by another commenter).... It is so nice to have these helpful suggestions, and anything I can try to figure out the cause, I will try!
I know that sometimes you can't figure out the cause, and sometimes it's not even something you could prevent, but at the same time, I feel like I should do something to try to figure it out.
I am sorry to hear about your many miscarriages....that must have been so difficult for you. I hope that you have found a way to heal, and thank you so much for taking the time to write and share advice from your experiences!
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Bethany,
I looked at the pictures of Blessing. They were amazing. I, too, have lost a little one (24 weeks), Elizabeth Reagan. The hospital was wonderful and took pictures of her just as they do all newborns. I cherish those pictures and wish I'd have taken more pictures of my own. Again, your pictures were amazing.
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Bethany,
I just wanted to stop by and let you know I am thinking of you and still praying for you.
Blessings,
Tina
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Tina, thank you so much for your prayers. I think of you often.
Kat, I am sorry for your loss of your little girl! What a nice thing for your hospital to do for you.. I am thankful that they gave you that keepsake. Thank you for your kind words.
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i started to miscarriage a few days ago,after having 2 beautiful children already my partner and i tried so hard for months to get pregnant again,we were over the moon to find out we had another little bundle of joy on the way.at six weeks i suffered from heavy bleeding and after 3 days of scans,examinations and blood tests i found out i had started to miscarry,i havent taken this news well at all infact im devistated,i cant understand why this has happened to us.i came across your blog while looking for answers and saw your artical on jill staneks's site, although my heart goes out to you for your loss, your picture really upset me,i understand that people deal with this sort of grief in different ways and although you have best intentions at heart for some people it makes the grieving process alot worse.
i know im just one person and i know im upset at the moment but now i cant stop thinking about what my baby would look like and because i am still in the middle of a miscarriage i cant go to the toilet without thinking that i have flushed my beautiful little baby away,wich are things that i hadnt thought of before i seen your pictures.
once again im so sorry,i dont mean to be nasty by sending this,your words have helped and this has been so difficult to write because i know what you went through.but i think your pictures should maybe be something personal,something that helps your own healing process.
charlene.
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Charlene, first let me say that I am so, so very sorry for your loss! I know you are heartbroken. I hope and pray that your healing will be fast.
I suffered another miscarriage after the one pictured above...and it was a little earlier in the pregnancy than the first miscarriage of my baby Blessing had been.... like you, I was never able to find the baby that time, and I do know that sadly, my baby was flushed down the toilet as well.
I say that to explain that I understand how you feel! It feels terrible, I know!
I remember having dreams that I would find the baby, but never did. I remember desperately looking every time I went to the bathroom, but it was hopeless. At the time, it was devastating for me, and I couldn't do anything without bursting into tears, or then just feeling numb and disinterested in the things that usually made me happy.
Please, do not ever feel guilty about the fact that you cannot find the baby. It's very difficult to overcome those feelings, but it will happen in time.
As hard as it is to think about, it is actually not common for a woman to be able to find their baby from miscarriage - And if you were 6 weeks along when you suffered from the miscarriage (depending on how far along the child was) , it probably would have been impossible to find the baby, even if you had never miscarried into the toilet. The baby at 4 weeks,would have been about the size of these lines: __
I know this may not be so comforting right now, but I hope it is at least a little!
I hope you know that you did NOTHING wrong, and you have nothing to feel guilty about!
I want you to know that your feelings are absolutely normal. You have lost a unique and individual child, and you are grieving that loss as any good mother would. You will heal!
One thing that might help you to find some closure is to do something to memorialize your baby. You might give your baby a name. This helped me tremendously in my second miscarriage, probably even more than the first. I named my second child "faith". Another thing that might help is gathering things to collect in a memory box for your child: letters from friends who congratulated you on your pregnancy. The positive pregnancy test. A letter or poem you wrote to your child. It may not seem like much, and it may even seem like it would make you more depressed, but I have found that it has helped many, many women to find some sense of closure over their losses. If you feel that it might help you as well, you could try it.
I would also recommend a website that can help you to overcome the feelings of despair and guilt that you could be feeling - this website helped me tremendously after my loss. http://www.pregnancyloss.info . I hope that it will help you through this time of grief as it did for me.
Again, I am so very sorry for your loss, and I hope that you will find comfort and healing in time to come!!
Please, let me know if there is any way I can be of help!!
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Hello Bethany: I just left you a message on Misdiagnosed Miscarriage site. After seeing your name, your blog, and pictures of you and your family, you seem to resemble someone I "internet know." Did you used to frequent a site called Art Papa - are you an artist? Email me and let me know if you have time.
Thanks,
Charlotte
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Okay, scratch that, this is you! I just saw the picture to the left and your bio. I will be sure to check your blog out more tomorrow!
Nice to "see" you again,
Charlotte (from Art Papa)
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Hi, I know this is an old post, but I have just found it via Jill Staneks webite.
2 weeks ago I was advised that my baby's heart had stopped beating at approx 6+3. I opted for the ERPC (similar to a D&C) as I couldn't bear to wait for nature to take it's course. I had spoke to my hospital to find out what would happen to my baby and they advised that because I was under 12 weeks that they would take care of it - they told me that there wouldn't be much baby there. Had I have seen your pictures before I don't think I would have made the decision I did.
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