Answer to a Question
I received a question this morning, and I'm going to try to answer it to the best of my ability:
Hi Bethany,
Your honestly and openness has amazed and touched me. And thank you for the photos on Liz Stanek's site. Amazing and beautiful.
My husband and I were surprised and thrilled to fall pregnant naturally as we needed ovulation stimulation with our first, Benjamin, who is now 22 months.
But it doesn't look like it is 'meant to be'. I am going through the motions of having a miscarriage. Yesterday, I was told that this pregnancy is unlikely to continue. My levels were too low (only 64 at about 4 weeks) and had not increased enough after almost another week (to only 106 on Monday). I've got cramps and bleeding and the doctors are not hopeful.
I've been reading an Australian website called New Life Ministries: http://www.newlifeministries.com.au/html/miscarriage.html
It is very strongly about faith in God being instrumental in helping to prevent miscarriage. Im at the point of starting to accept that it isn't going to work out this time, but this website seems to say that if I just want it enough and demand it of God, then I may be able to stop the miscarriage. What are your thoughts? What do you think is the purpose of these babies that don't make it?
Sorry for the hugeness of the life questions and given the vomitous state of things at your house at the moment, I completely understand if you don't manage to reply. I hope everything proceeds smoothly and peacefully for you and your family. Regards, Louise.
***************************************
Louise, thank you for your kind words, and I am so sorry that you are going through a possible miscarriage. I do not know enough about levels to know whether your miscarriage is inevitable or not, but I do hope and pray that whatever happens, you will have a peace throughout your soul. I know this is a difficult time for you.
I took a look at the site you gave me. While I feel that many of the things said do hold much truth, something about the site bothers me. I feel that they place blame on mothers for their miscarriages. I do not feel that this is right.
I am not a Biblical scholar, but I have read the Bible much over the years. This site mentions many of the promises given by God to the Isrealites when they were given the promised land. I believe that the "promised land" for them in that time was literal. God gave the Isrealites these promises.
However, for us, I do not believe these promises apply in the literal sense, as in, a literal land of milk and honey on the earth. The "promised land", in my opinion (for us) is an analogy for Heaven. When we are in Heaven, no one will die, or be sick, and all tears will be wiped away. This is our promise from God. We have a promise of eternal life through Jesus Christ.
I feel that most of the Old Testament stories, while literally true, are analogies which help us to understand God's covenant for us today. For instance, Moses held up the bronze serpant on a stick (Numbers 21:4-9), so that the people could look on it to escape punishment and to be healed of their sickness. Today, we look to Christ to escape punishment and to live eternal life.
14And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up:
When Job went through all of his suffering, did he lose his family, his possessions, everything he ever held dear to himself, through any sin of his own?
God told Satan:
"Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?"
Satan replied (I'm paraphrasing), "Well the only reason he fears you is because you have built a hedge around him and made him safe. You have increased his goods and he is comfortable with you. If all of this was taken away, he would curse you."
God told Satan that he had the power to do whatever he would to Job, except take his life.
When Satan took all of Job's family, all of Job's livestock, Job's home, Job's land, Job's possessions, what did Job do? He said, "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD."
This story, I believe, was given to us to show us an example of how we can go through suffering, even losing the lives of the people we love dearly, for a purpose. This is not always the result of sin.
God rewarded Job after his suffering had ended, and I know that Job also was able to meet his family again in Heaven after he died (and I am absolutely certain that when he went to Heaven, he understood what the purpose was for losing them- God wipes all tears from our eyes). Our life is temporary here. We live here temporarily, and if we are saved, we go to Heaven. That is our hope. Our children when they die, they are in Heaven. We will meet them again, and I believe firmly that when we see them in Heaven, we will understand the reasons that they had to die. Their death is not their end!
When the disciples asked Jesus, "Who sinned, this blind man or his parents, that he was born blind?", what did Jesus tell them?
Jesus told them, "Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him."
I believe that the trials and the sufferings that we endure in this life are here for a purpose...we do not always understand what the purpose is. But I assure you that if you are a believer, all the suffering that you endure will be for God's glory, and will work together for your eventual good, and most likely, the good of others. "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
For what purpose was Joseph thrown into a well by his own brothers? And then sold into slavery?
At the time, I am sure he could have doubted God's love for him, and could have wondered why God would have allowed him to endure such suffering. After all, what kind of purpose could God have for him to be sold into slavery? We do not always understand God's reasonings.
I'm sure you remember what ended up happening. Joseph ended up being second in command to the Pharoah, and he ended up preventing thousands and thousands of people from starving when the famine came.
There are so many examples of people suffering, and losing their loved ones in the Bible...and many times, it was not a direct result of their own sins. Yes, death is a result of sin...the sin that we are all born with.
But I am talking about the direct result of a particular sin that you committed, or a sin that your husband committed, etc. I do not believe that this is the reason that you might be miscarrying. Do you see what I am saying?
I would hate for any woman to blame herself for the death of her child. If a woman loses her born children, due to cancer, or a car wreck, or any other cause, we do not try to find and place blame on her for this...why are people trying to find blame in a woman for a miscarriage? What a woman needs when she is miscarrying is comfort and peace and love, not blame.
Blaming a woman for her miscarriage brings about unnecessary confusion, sorrow, worry, and fear.
Does God ever promise us that we will not have troubles on this earth?
No, there are multitudes of verses in the old and new testament which deal with God's comfort through our trials. If our life was meant to be without trials, then there would be no need for these verses.
"He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. "
(it occurs to me through the above verse that perhaps one reason for my miscarriage was to give me the wisdom and understanding to acknowledge other women's pain through miscarriage, so that I will have the ability to comfort them, where without having the experience, I would have not had the ability).
"My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9 "
"Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians4:16-18"
"But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. Romans 8:28"
"For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Romans 8:18"
And God shall wipe away ALL tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4
My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into various trials; knowing this, that the trial of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. James 1:2-4
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. Ecc. 3: 1-8
Psalm 23
The LORD is my shepherd,I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4"
******************************************
There are many more verses like these, but I hope that they will give you some comfort and peace as you go through your trial.
(Right now, I'm sure you know that I am going through a trial as well. I know I posted that the doctor told me I am pregnant, but I am still bleeding, and it's very difficult for me to know for sure whether I'm carrying a baby, whether I'm not carrying a baby, or whether I'm carrying two babies....or if I even miscarried one and have another. I won't know until I get the ultrasound and even then I won't be absolutely certain. It's so hard waiting and not knowing.
I completely understand how you feel.)
(I want to add that I do agree with them that you can pray in faith and that miracles can happen. This is Biblical. I simply want to make sure that if the answer to your prayer is not "yes", that you do not blame yourself.)
As for your question, what is the baby's purpose....I hope this has helped to answer. I do not think we will always know right away what our babies' purposes are on this earth. I know that our days are numbered from the time we are conceived.... God knows exactly how long each of us will live, even from the very beginning. I don't know what every baby's purpose is (just as I don't know what any other person's purpose is, grown or in the womb), but I do know that God promises that everything happens for a specific purpose, and that we must trust that He knows what He is doing.
"'My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,' says the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
If you are wondering if your baby will definitely meet you in Heaven:
Read 2 Samuel Chapter 12. Remember when David and Bathsheba had a baby out of adultery? The baby became sick...while the baby was sick, David prayed to God to spare the baby's life, and would not eat or sleep. As soon as the child was known to have died, David got up, washed his face, and worshipped God. When he was asked why he wasn't mourning the baby anymore, David answered, ". . .I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me."
Based on this verse, and others which confirm the life and soul of unborn children, I believe that babies do go to Heaven.
I hope that perhaps this has been of some comfort to you. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do....I will pray for you.... please keep me updated on your situation. ((((hugs))))
Hi Bethany,
Your honestly and openness has amazed and touched me. And thank you for the photos on Liz Stanek's site. Amazing and beautiful.
My husband and I were surprised and thrilled to fall pregnant naturally as we needed ovulation stimulation with our first, Benjamin, who is now 22 months.
But it doesn't look like it is 'meant to be'. I am going through the motions of having a miscarriage. Yesterday, I was told that this pregnancy is unlikely to continue. My levels were too low (only 64 at about 4 weeks) and had not increased enough after almost another week (to only 106 on Monday). I've got cramps and bleeding and the doctors are not hopeful.
I've been reading an Australian website called New Life Ministries: http://www.newlifeministries.com.au/html/miscarriage.html
It is very strongly about faith in God being instrumental in helping to prevent miscarriage. Im at the point of starting to accept that it isn't going to work out this time, but this website seems to say that if I just want it enough and demand it of God, then I may be able to stop the miscarriage. What are your thoughts? What do you think is the purpose of these babies that don't make it?
Sorry for the hugeness of the life questions and given the vomitous state of things at your house at the moment, I completely understand if you don't manage to reply. I hope everything proceeds smoothly and peacefully for you and your family. Regards, Louise.
***************************************
Louise, thank you for your kind words, and I am so sorry that you are going through a possible miscarriage. I do not know enough about levels to know whether your miscarriage is inevitable or not, but I do hope and pray that whatever happens, you will have a peace throughout your soul. I know this is a difficult time for you.
I took a look at the site you gave me. While I feel that many of the things said do hold much truth, something about the site bothers me. I feel that they place blame on mothers for their miscarriages. I do not feel that this is right.
I am not a Biblical scholar, but I have read the Bible much over the years. This site mentions many of the promises given by God to the Isrealites when they were given the promised land. I believe that the "promised land" for them in that time was literal. God gave the Isrealites these promises.
However, for us, I do not believe these promises apply in the literal sense, as in, a literal land of milk and honey on the earth. The "promised land", in my opinion (for us) is an analogy for Heaven. When we are in Heaven, no one will die, or be sick, and all tears will be wiped away. This is our promise from God. We have a promise of eternal life through Jesus Christ.
I feel that most of the Old Testament stories, while literally true, are analogies which help us to understand God's covenant for us today. For instance, Moses held up the bronze serpant on a stick (Numbers 21:4-9), so that the people could look on it to escape punishment and to be healed of their sickness. Today, we look to Christ to escape punishment and to live eternal life.
14And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up:
15That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
When Job went through all of his suffering, did he lose his family, his possessions, everything he ever held dear to himself, through any sin of his own?
God told Satan:
"Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?"
Satan replied (I'm paraphrasing), "Well the only reason he fears you is because you have built a hedge around him and made him safe. You have increased his goods and he is comfortable with you. If all of this was taken away, he would curse you."
God told Satan that he had the power to do whatever he would to Job, except take his life.
When Satan took all of Job's family, all of Job's livestock, Job's home, Job's land, Job's possessions, what did Job do? He said, "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD."
This story, I believe, was given to us to show us an example of how we can go through suffering, even losing the lives of the people we love dearly, for a purpose. This is not always the result of sin.
God rewarded Job after his suffering had ended, and I know that Job also was able to meet his family again in Heaven after he died (and I am absolutely certain that when he went to Heaven, he understood what the purpose was for losing them- God wipes all tears from our eyes). Our life is temporary here. We live here temporarily, and if we are saved, we go to Heaven. That is our hope. Our children when they die, they are in Heaven. We will meet them again, and I believe firmly that when we see them in Heaven, we will understand the reasons that they had to die. Their death is not their end!
When the disciples asked Jesus, "Who sinned, this blind man or his parents, that he was born blind?", what did Jesus tell them?
Jesus told them, "Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him."
I believe that the trials and the sufferings that we endure in this life are here for a purpose...we do not always understand what the purpose is. But I assure you that if you are a believer, all the suffering that you endure will be for God's glory, and will work together for your eventual good, and most likely, the good of others. "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
For what purpose was Joseph thrown into a well by his own brothers? And then sold into slavery?
At the time, I am sure he could have doubted God's love for him, and could have wondered why God would have allowed him to endure such suffering. After all, what kind of purpose could God have for him to be sold into slavery? We do not always understand God's reasonings.
I'm sure you remember what ended up happening. Joseph ended up being second in command to the Pharoah, and he ended up preventing thousands and thousands of people from starving when the famine came.
There are so many examples of people suffering, and losing their loved ones in the Bible...and many times, it was not a direct result of their own sins. Yes, death is a result of sin...the sin that we are all born with.
But I am talking about the direct result of a particular sin that you committed, or a sin that your husband committed, etc. I do not believe that this is the reason that you might be miscarrying. Do you see what I am saying?
I would hate for any woman to blame herself for the death of her child. If a woman loses her born children, due to cancer, or a car wreck, or any other cause, we do not try to find and place blame on her for this...why are people trying to find blame in a woman for a miscarriage? What a woman needs when she is miscarrying is comfort and peace and love, not blame.
Blaming a woman for her miscarriage brings about unnecessary confusion, sorrow, worry, and fear.
Does God ever promise us that we will not have troubles on this earth?
No, there are multitudes of verses in the old and new testament which deal with God's comfort through our trials. If our life was meant to be without trials, then there would be no need for these verses.
"He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. "
(it occurs to me through the above verse that perhaps one reason for my miscarriage was to give me the wisdom and understanding to acknowledge other women's pain through miscarriage, so that I will have the ability to comfort them, where without having the experience, I would have not had the ability).
"My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9 "
"Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians4:16-18"
"But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. Romans 8:28"
"For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Romans 8:18"
And God shall wipe away ALL tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4
My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into various trials; knowing this, that the trial of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. James 1:2-4
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. Ecc. 3: 1-8
Psalm 23
The LORD is my shepherd,I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4"
******************************************
There are many more verses like these, but I hope that they will give you some comfort and peace as you go through your trial.
(Right now, I'm sure you know that I am going through a trial as well. I know I posted that the doctor told me I am pregnant, but I am still bleeding, and it's very difficult for me to know for sure whether I'm carrying a baby, whether I'm not carrying a baby, or whether I'm carrying two babies....or if I even miscarried one and have another. I won't know until I get the ultrasound and even then I won't be absolutely certain. It's so hard waiting and not knowing.
I completely understand how you feel.)(I want to add that I do agree with them that you can pray in faith and that miracles can happen. This is Biblical. I simply want to make sure that if the answer to your prayer is not "yes", that you do not blame yourself.)
As for your question, what is the baby's purpose....I hope this has helped to answer. I do not think we will always know right away what our babies' purposes are on this earth. I know that our days are numbered from the time we are conceived.... God knows exactly how long each of us will live, even from the very beginning. I don't know what every baby's purpose is (just as I don't know what any other person's purpose is, grown or in the womb), but I do know that God promises that everything happens for a specific purpose, and that we must trust that He knows what He is doing.
"'My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,' says the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
If you are wondering if your baby will definitely meet you in Heaven:
Read 2 Samuel Chapter 12. Remember when David and Bathsheba had a baby out of adultery? The baby became sick...while the baby was sick, David prayed to God to spare the baby's life, and would not eat or sleep. As soon as the child was known to have died, David got up, washed his face, and worshipped God. When he was asked why he wasn't mourning the baby anymore, David answered, ". . .I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me."
Based on this verse, and others which confirm the life and soul of unborn children, I believe that babies do go to Heaven.
Bethany, that was a wonderful explanation. It really ministered to me. Would you mind if I reposted it to my site?
I'm praying for you and your little one(s?) still! I'll also pray for Louise and her family.
God Bless,
Lauren
Reply to this
Lauren, thank you. You are more than welcome to post it on your website.
I am thankful to know that it helped you in some way.
Reply to this
My cousin and his wife tried for about a year to get pregnant. After no success they looked to fertility drugs. After no success there they decided to look into the adoption process. A few months into the process she became pregnant. She's now expecting her second fairly soon.
Reply to this
Ah Bethany, you answered so beautifully and graciously.
I'm a little leary of people who teach we can and should place demands on God, and make Him do our will if we have enough faith. I've seen too many fall from faith altogether after being told that bad things wouldn't have happened to them if they'd prayed more/better.
Reply to this
Bethany,
I'm so happy for you! I hope everything is ok with your baby. I had a miscarriage in June/01, it is so hard. I ended up pregnant again 2 months later and all was well. My very first pregnancy I had some bleeding and it turned out to be ok, my son is now 12!
Take care, Leah
Reply to this
I am so sorry that an organisation from my country is telling people that they "just don't have enough faith" if things go wrong. Totally unbiblical, in my mind. I thought you answered superbly, Bethany.
Reply to this
Hi Bethany and everyone who has commented so far,
Thank you so much for you prayers and thoughts. Bethany, thank you so much for your response. You are truly an amazing person and I believe that God is working through you to inspire and comfort others, including me. I have never reached out to anyone on the internet before and I am floored by all of your care and support and ministry. Thank you. I am a believer, a Catholic, and Bethany, everything you have said makes sense. I will keep you up to date with what happens to us and I will be watching and praying for you too.
Love, Louise.
Reply to this
Jm, what a great story!
Margaret, that's exactly how I read the page...I wasn't sure if it was just me or not. I did feel that it was basically saying that if your child dies, you must not have been close enough to God...and to me, that's implying that you are literally being punished by God for not being close to Him.
Leah, I'm sorry for your loss...thank you for your encouraging words! I really hope that after I get the ultrasound tomorrow that I will be able to post some good news!
Jenny, thank you so much for your comments. In think it probably doesn't matter where you live, there will always be people who believe these kinds of things. I just hope that the women running that site won't lose hope in God when His answer to a prayer becomes "no".
Louise, I am touched by your words and I truly hope that all will be well for you. Thank you for your prayers too.
Reply to this
First- I am so sorry Louise that you are going through a possible miscarriage. I know how hard and devastating this can be. Bethany-I think that you answered the questions beautifully. I went to the website mentioned and the part that really bothered me was this statement--" If we say that it was God's will that we miscarried, we are accusing him of killing our baby by withholding the healing blood of Jesus and by breaking the promises in His Word."
While we often go against the will of God's commands (in His word) we are totally incapable of going against the will of God's awesome and perfect plan. I know that when I went through my own loss, I was asking a lot of questions. I went to the Bible and there were a few scriptures that helped me so much.
Isaiah 55:8-9 that you mentioned, Bethany is actually engraved on our baby's grave marker.
Also Prov 19:21
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
And Job 38:4
Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell,me if you have understanding. . .
One more
Prov 3:5
Trust in the Lord Jesus with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
Jane
Reply to this
Jane, you made such an excellent point about God's will! Thank you so much for your encouraging comment for Louise, and the Bible verses you shared are so comforting and uplifting. I am very sorry for the loss of your baby...I am thankful that you have found comfort through God's word.
(((hugs)))
Reply to this
I'm so glad you answered this, Bethany. I'm very concerned about the belief that we humans can control everything. Sometimes it involves wacky new age ideas (if you just connect to the universal subconscious you can prevent bad things from happening). Sometimes, it refers to God (if something bad happens, it's because you didn't pray hard enough). I understand that the book The Secret promotes this idea also (in a secular way). Either way it is a very cruel idea--it leads to blaming the victim by implying that all bad things are your own fault! We humans cannot control everything and it is wrong to think that we can. Would these people tell a Holocaust victim that they must've not wanted to escape from the concentration camp hard enough? Would they tell the parents of a pedophilia victim, "Well, I guess your child just didn't have enough desire not to be molested"?
Sorry for rambling here, but this cruel idea has been making me mad for some time now. And it is even worse when people try to claim that it is Biblical and put prayer in the picture. I'm all for doing our best to prevent bad things, but we have to realize that we are not 100% in control.
Reply to this
I had never heard of "The Secret" until I had read about it in a newsletter, warning Christians of its teachings. Here's the article for anyone who is interested. It second's the poster's comments about it.
http://tinyurl.com/yq4pfa
I'm glad to see a lot of comments on this blog encouraging biblical faith, rather than the "name-it-claim-it" so-called "faith" that smacks of sorcery, attempting to make God into one's personal magic genie.
Reply to this
Thank you for the link, Sarah...I'll check it out!
Reply to this
Reposted on my site under the title "wisdom".
Reply to this
Amy, it's funny you mention the book "The Secret". We know someone who actually holds that book as an absolute truth. He truly believes that you just "think" things into happening, that each of us controls our own universe. It's really strange.
I really appreciated your comment...really well said.
Lauren, thanks for letting me know!
Reply to this
I have not had a miscarriage but I agree with you that someone who has had one does not need to hear that it is their fault. They are already going through enough trauma as it is. I liked how you brought Job into the picture in that he suffered so much and none of it was because of something that he had done (other than the fact that he feared God).
Reply to this
Thank you for your comments, Liz.
Reply to this
Hello Bethany,
I have not had much time to be on this computer with family, work, etc. I have been really struggling with my faith lately. I am struggling with the "why's" of this miscarriage. I know it has been 3 months but the pain is still there. Yesterday I went to the library and found a book by Max Lucado called "In The Eye Of The Storm". I have only read to chapter 4 but it is such a good book. I have felt like I did something wrong to deserve this and if I had prayed more or studied more or went to church more or spoke better words that this would not have happened. I have been reevaluating my beliefs lately. I have lost all of my friends that I used to share the "Faith movement" with. Since the miscarriage my views are changing. How can one demand such from a God who is suposed to be in control? Do we really allow Him to be in control? I am having to start all over again and take this one day at a time. Sometimes in a church I would like to see how to get through life's everyday challenges without having to go through all of the ritualistic prayers, etc to achieve it. How about the person who believes in God but has a troubled teen on drugs and alcohol (as my boss does)? How do we minister to her in her time of need? Do we tell her it is her fault or if she prayed more this would not have happened, or if she spoke the right words her son will come out of it? My daughter is leaving home on Sunday to go to bootcamp for the U.S Coastguard and I am struggling with the thoughts of did I do a good enough job raising her? She had a troubled 3 years of high school and pulled it together in her senior year...but in doing so she is searching other religions...people have made me feel like she is destined for hell but does God stop working with those who are searching..is she any different than my boss's son? Can not God do a miricle in her life like he did in mine almost 13 years ago..I was not even seeking Jesus and He showed me anyways and He changed my life. These are my thoughts as my life is changing again..saying goodbye to my daughter that I have invested so much time and energy into is so tough. Where are the simple views of Jesus these days? Was He so comliclated when He walked this earth or have we through religion made Him that way. How about the verse that says "seek Him and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you", which we know to be the physical side of the things we need. Or "knock and I will answer". I am out of room and I apologize for this being so long. These are my thoughts lately and I was not sure where to post them. I hope you are doing well and recovering from your recent loss. I think of you often. shelly
Reply to this
Shelly, I am so sorry that you're still coping with the pain. I am dealing with it too, and I actually have been not posting about it lately, not because I am not hurting but I think this time it was harder for me, and I didn't think I could express it openly.
I have had a lot of people to tell me that this time around, it was probably easier...but they were wrong. This time around, it was actually harder, because this time I have concern about the next child being safe. I know that supposedly your chances aren't increased any more after 2 miscarriages than if you had no miscarriage at all, but still, it's difficult to believe that in your heart.
I am getting a little better though....every day is different. Some days, I feel totally fine, some days I feel really sad. Some nights I have had nightmares, dreams about tornados, house fires, having the miscarriage again and again, and seeing the little baby...and many other things like that.
But I think things are getting better. I'm just trying to take it day by day, and appreciate the children I have now, and not dwell so much on what I have lost, because when I do, I am neglecting them, and I don't like to do that.
Sorry to ramble, that is just how I feel, and I wanted you to know you're not alone. (((hugs)))
As for your daughter, please know that no matter how well you teach your children through life, there will sometimes be children who stray from what you have taught them. Pray for her, but don't give up on her. She can very well turn around and give her life to Christ. Don't let others comments about her get you down. They are wrong.
And it is wrong to condemn anyone to Hell...you can tell them that. We do not have the right to tell someone if they are going to Hell or not, because we do not know the future, and we do not know what our Soverign God has planned for someone. Remember Saul in the Bible, who killed Christians? He was pretty much one of the worst people ever, at that time. I am sure that people believed that he was going to go to Hell. After all, look at all of the horrible stuff he was doing in his life!
(please don't think I'm comparing your daughter to Saul, I hope you get my point here)
However, one day, unexpectedly, God stopped Saul and changed his life. His heart was changed. And he changed his name from Saul to Paul, and from then on, he was an instrument used by God for the rest of his life..
There is no telling what good your daughter will do one day!
Also, remember the story of the prodigal son. Does the father in the story sound like a bad father? No, absolutely not. There was a good father, one son was good and never strayed from the right path...the other son strayed, despite what he had been taught. When he finally had fallen so deep into his sins that he couldn't find his way out, he turned back to his father, who welcomed him and rejoiced at his coming back!
Your daughter may be straying from the path right now, but
Reply to this
Ran out of space!
But give her time, and just keep loving her and praying for her. God can change her life, and He can show her the way!
Reply to this
Bethany,
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I was so down and your words about Paul really encouraged me. You are so right about not giving up on her. I am worried about her leaving the nest this Sunday...she is on her way to boot camp in New Jersey. I am going to have to release her into God's hands and let Him work in her life...that is so much easier said than done.
My other thoughts were about you and your feelings with this miscarriage. You have the right to feel this way and you should not feel bad about it. I have a friend in California who had 2 miscarriages within a year of each other but this past May she delivered a beautiful baby son, named Ross. She is a christian but she too had a real struggle with the whole thing.
I wish people were kinder when speaking but I do believe that most of it is said in ignorance of the pain of the person they are talking to.
I hope you will come and talk about your feelings when you feel stronger to do so. There are a lot of us women out here who would support you and lift you up in time of need.
I know our babies are in heaven but I wonder sometimes how God takes care of them. Will they grow up in heaven or stay babies until we get to be with them again...or in our cases get to meet them.
This book I am reading is teaching me about the infinite love that our God has for us...it is not just a surface love but a deep gutteral love and he understands our pain and has compassion on us. I just weep as I read this book..if You have not read it I highly recommend it.
Well, it is late and I have lots of running around to do with my daughter, Jasmine getting last minute things done before Sunday.
I thank God for you everyday...I know we have never met but I am grateful to you for your friendship over the internet.
Hang in there and Hugs back to you.
Shelly
Reply to this
Thank you for the book recommendation...I will check it out. I like Max Lucado.
You're right, most people really do not understand the pain, and the words they say are in ignorance. They really mean well, they just don't know.
I appreciate your friendship too, and hope that you are doing okay! A really good place I have found to talk to others who are very supportive and loving is www.misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com
I know the name sounds like all of the people on it would have had a misdiagnosed miscarriage, but it's not like that. There are women on there with 1 miscarriage, 2, and some with several miscarriages. All of them are very loving, and many of them are Christians.
I found a lot of support there, and if you get a chance to stop by there, I think you will be pleasantly surprised.
Reply to this
Thank you Bethany for all the faith, wisdom and hard work you put into your reply to Louise. I LOVE that you had SO many scriptures and I will continue to study these. I just passed the miscarriage of my 2nd child yesterday and really needed to hear what you wrote. Thank you thank you thank you. I found your website through misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com
Abundant Blessings,
Tara in Georgia
Reply to this
Tara, I am so sorry to hear that you just lost your second baby. I am thankful that this article could be of any comfort to you. (((((hugs)))))
Reply to this
Bethany,
Your blog has been a real encouragement. When a friend linked me to you I had had two miscarriages and she was trying to find a source to relate to me as she has had no pregnancy loss. And I continued to give others the link as well. Little did I think I would be coming her again for support through another loss. I really appreciate the doctrinally sound presentation of scripture you give here .It is much needed.
The Lord continue to bless your ministry to others.
Love, Jacinda Montalto
Reply to this
Bethany, I know your original post is a year old but I just wanted to let you know how much it has comforted me today. This Saturday will be a year after my last miscarriage (a sweet baby we named Jamie) and I've been missing him so much. Thank you for your encouraging words. I am sorry for your losses too.
Reply to this
Emily, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby, Jamie.
I am glad to know that you were able to find encouragement through this post...
((hugs)) Thank you for letting me know. Have a blessed day.
Reply to this