Comfort
Thank you all for the supportive comments. You have all really helped me a lot.
I hope I haven't made any of you feel obligated to respond. I promise when I post these things, my intention is not to make people feel like they have to say something. I just want to get my feelings out somewhere.
This blog makes a great place to post my feelings. Once I post about something, especially if it's been bothering me, I usually feel a lot better about it. It's a way for me to get that worry "out of me".
Today I feel much more at peace about the whole situation. I believe that things will happen the way they should.
The butterfly feeling I mentioned isn't so much fear and stress as it is confusion. I find it difficult to know how I should be reacting at this time. For instance, should I be grieving another loss? Or should I be rejoicing about my pregnancy? I really want to be rejoicing, and I think that this butterflies in my stomach feeling is me holding back the excitement of being pregnant again. I just want to let it out. The day I saw the two lines, I was yelling to James "I can't believe it, I saw two lines!" and was so excited. When he got home he told me I am getting excited too quickly. He doesn't want to see me go through the pain he saw me go through last time- he's trying to protect me. I can tell he wants to be excited about it also, but is too afraid that expressing that would hurt me in the long run.
I understand where he's coming from... I was so excited. He is probably right, I should not get too attached to the idea of having another baby until I can be more sure that I'm actually going to stay pregnant. And that is most likely why I feel so anxious. I just want to know for sure. Knowing one way or the other is easier than not knowing anything.
But I do have a good feeling about this, and a sense of peace. I think it could be due to the prayers of all my friends out there.
(Psalms 119:75-77 NIV) I know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you have afflicted me. {76} May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. {77} Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is my delight.
(Isaiah 26:3-4 NIV) You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. {4} Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
(Isaiah 38:17 NIV) Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.
(Philippians 4:4-8 NIV) Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! {5} Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. {6} Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. {7} And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. {8} Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
I hope I haven't made any of you feel obligated to respond. I promise when I post these things, my intention is not to make people feel like they have to say something. I just want to get my feelings out somewhere.
This blog makes a great place to post my feelings. Once I post about something, especially if it's been bothering me, I usually feel a lot better about it. It's a way for me to get that worry "out of me".
Today I feel much more at peace about the whole situation. I believe that things will happen the way they should.
The butterfly feeling I mentioned isn't so much fear and stress as it is confusion. I find it difficult to know how I should be reacting at this time. For instance, should I be grieving another loss? Or should I be rejoicing about my pregnancy? I really want to be rejoicing, and I think that this butterflies in my stomach feeling is me holding back the excitement of being pregnant again. I just want to let it out. The day I saw the two lines, I was yelling to James "I can't believe it, I saw two lines!" and was so excited. When he got home he told me I am getting excited too quickly. He doesn't want to see me go through the pain he saw me go through last time- he's trying to protect me. I can tell he wants to be excited about it also, but is too afraid that expressing that would hurt me in the long run.
I understand where he's coming from... I was so excited. He is probably right, I should not get too attached to the idea of having another baby until I can be more sure that I'm actually going to stay pregnant. And that is most likely why I feel so anxious. I just want to know for sure. Knowing one way or the other is easier than not knowing anything.
But I do have a good feeling about this, and a sense of peace. I think it could be due to the prayers of all my friends out there.
(Psalms 119:75-77 NIV) I know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you have afflicted me. {76} May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. {77} Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is my delight.
(Isaiah 26:3-4 NIV) You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. {4} Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
(Isaiah 38:17 NIV) Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.
(Philippians 4:4-8 NIV) Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! {5} Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. {6} Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. {7} And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. {8} Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Bethany,
All though we don't know each other, I too was very excited for you. It's O.K. to feel rotten. Very understandable. I would love to have another baby but can't. So, when I get depressed about this, I look at my 3 beautiful kids and thank the Lord for what I have. I will probably never be blessed with a baby again, this would truly take a miracle, and it does make me sad, but we are very blessed with what we do have. God is the only One who knows what lays ahead for us. I pray everything works out the way that is best for your family, God bless you Sandi
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Ok, I took a small peek on here to see how you were doing. I'm so happy you're at peace with everything.
I would try to celebrate every day you have with this little one without thinking of the future. I wish I had cherished my time with our little one more, and worried about numbers less.
Not that it's easy to *not* worry about numbers...
God bless you and your family.
p.s. there was another Lauren over at feministing who was saying mean things. I'm sure you probably knew it wasn't me, but I just wanted to make sure!
Ok, I'm really off for the day now!
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Yeah, at first I saw that and wondered but I knew it couldn't be you...clicked her link and saw her website is feministe. lol What do you think she really meant by that comment about the George Bush Sr. picture? I feel that it was somehow intended to be an insult. Do you think so?
You're right, I'll try not to focus on the numbers and just focus on other things. Monday will come soon enough. I'm working on an apron right now, and I'll post a picture of it once it's done. This among other things helps to keep my mind occupied!
Sandi, I am sorry to hear about that, I am sure that has to be so difficult for you and your family. It's good that you are thankful for the children you have and appreciating them, because some people can (understandably) become bitter when something like this happens to them. It's good to know that God knows and undertand's what's best I appreciate your kind words, thanks for commenting.
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Bethany,
I will be praying for you. I haven't been home, so I'm trying to get caught up. I also haven't been able to read your blog, for some reason. The computer tells me it "times out" when trying to connect.
I lost my 3rd baby to miscarriage. I went on to have 2 more beautiful, healthy children. I will continue my prayers for you and please keep us updated. I think that one of the reasons we, as Christian women, blog is for the incredible support network that is there for us.
Take care.
Gena
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I don't know what she meant, honestly. I know feminists like Bush Sr. better than Bush Jr., so maybe she was actually giving you a legitimate compliment. Whatever she meant by it, she was right that you have incredible talent!
I'm excited to see your apron. Barbara at mommylife had an apron contest of which I was a part around the new year. It was so much fun. I love aprons!
Anyways, know that you're in my prayers. Feel free to email me or message me whenever if you're feeling anxious.
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I was just reading this link and thought of you. You probably already know about this but you may not. lol!
Roxanne
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070622/ap_on_he_me/diabetes_pregnancy_2;_ylt=AtytvBoctwd1qWBRBxv69QQE1vAI
Sorry to post this here, but I couldn't find a e-mail anywhere.
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Bethany,
I am glad to hear you are being positive. I do believe that God will allow to happen what is meant to be even though when I lost my baby that was a hard concept to accept. I am praying for you and the baby...keep us updated. shelly
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Praise the Lord that you have found some peace!It is so hard for us when we know that we have no control over situations but we want things to go one way or another.If you can stay focused on the positive and know that it is in God's hands then it makes things so much easier to deal with.I will be looking forward to hearing how your blood work goes on Monday.I will also praying for you.Have a great weekend!
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I hope everything goes well and you are blessed with another child
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Roxanne, thank you so much for the article. Just one more reason to limit my sugar intake!
Shiela, Shelly, Tiffany, thank you so much.
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