My appointment yesterday
Yesterday, my appointment was at 3:00. I thought that I was going to have a blood test done, but when I got there, I realized they only wanted to talk to me and get my questions and figure out what I wanted to do next. I guess that they have no doubt as to their conclusion. 
My doctor, who I've only seen once before, came in, and was so much more sympathetic than the other doctor who was on call the day before. I remember that doctor was so textbook like and cold that I had a hard time understanding what she was relaying to me.
My doctor was so much more kind and understanding. She walked in and the first thing she did was give me a hug and give her sympathies. She also told me that she had suffered from two miscarriages, and she gave me a booklet that she said had helped her heal through them.
She went through everything and explained all my options. She was much less "pro - D & C" than the other doctor, though she herself had had a D & C for both of her miscarriages. The other doctor had made me feel that a miscarriage at home would be much more risky and painful, but my doctor told me that the risks are the exact same for both. She did say that most people who have a natural miscarriage do end up going to the ER at 1:00 in the morning .... but I asked her if that was because they were really in danger, or because they were in pain and scared...she said it was the latter. She said that it is not usually any more risky to do it at home. It's just very painful. That gave me a LOT of comfort in my decision to stay at home and do this naturally.
I asked her if she could prescribe me some pain medication so that I could cope with the pain if it got too painful, and she did prescribe me some pain pills.
She told me if I changed my mind, that she could set the D & C as early as today. But I just can't go that route. I just can't. I would always be wondering if the baby had been alive and I had actually aborted it.
If I am going to have a miscarriage, I'm going to let it happen on it's own.
I started thinking about this on the way home, and I asked James what he thought we should do with the body when it comes out...I was really worried about what to do with it - I wouldn't want to just throw it away..it's my baby.
He told me that we can bury our baby in the yard, and plant a tree, that way it wouldn't feel like the baby has just been forgotten. When he said that, it just made me cry because it was such a sweet thought but also really sad to think about. I definitely want to do that... that way every time I see that tree I will remember my baby.
I am still having pregnancy symptoms, but from what I've read on miscarriage websites, that is supposed to be normal, because your body still doesn't recognize the death of the baby yet.... until that happens, I could still be having them for a while. It's kind of hard because I do want to think that I'm still pregnant with a live baby, but I just don't think it would be wise to keep that kind of hope alive.
So for the next couple of days, weeks, maybe a month or more, I'll be waiting for this to happen. I have no idea when it will be, but hopefully when it comes I'll be prepared for it.
My doctor, who I've only seen once before, came in, and was so much more sympathetic than the other doctor who was on call the day before. I remember that doctor was so textbook like and cold that I had a hard time understanding what she was relaying to me.
My doctor was so much more kind and understanding. She walked in and the first thing she did was give me a hug and give her sympathies. She also told me that she had suffered from two miscarriages, and she gave me a booklet that she said had helped her heal through them.
She went through everything and explained all my options. She was much less "pro - D & C" than the other doctor, though she herself had had a D & C for both of her miscarriages. The other doctor had made me feel that a miscarriage at home would be much more risky and painful, but my doctor told me that the risks are the exact same for both. She did say that most people who have a natural miscarriage do end up going to the ER at 1:00 in the morning .... but I asked her if that was because they were really in danger, or because they were in pain and scared...she said it was the latter. She said that it is not usually any more risky to do it at home. It's just very painful. That gave me a LOT of comfort in my decision to stay at home and do this naturally.
I asked her if she could prescribe me some pain medication so that I could cope with the pain if it got too painful, and she did prescribe me some pain pills.
She told me if I changed my mind, that she could set the D & C as early as today. But I just can't go that route. I just can't. I would always be wondering if the baby had been alive and I had actually aborted it.
If I am going to have a miscarriage, I'm going to let it happen on it's own.
I started thinking about this on the way home, and I asked James what he thought we should do with the body when it comes out...I was really worried about what to do with it - I wouldn't want to just throw it away..it's my baby.
He told me that we can bury our baby in the yard, and plant a tree, that way it wouldn't feel like the baby has just been forgotten. When he said that, it just made me cry because it was such a sweet thought but also really sad to think about. I definitely want to do that... that way every time I see that tree I will remember my baby.
I am still having pregnancy symptoms, but from what I've read on miscarriage websites, that is supposed to be normal, because your body still doesn't recognize the death of the baby yet.... until that happens, I could still be having them for a while. It's kind of hard because I do want to think that I'm still pregnant with a live baby, but I just don't think it would be wise to keep that kind of hope alive.
So for the next couple of days, weeks, maybe a month or more, I'll be waiting for this to happen. I have no idea when it will be, but hopefully when it comes I'll be prepared for it.
Oh Dear Bethany,
I have been praying for you and James since I read of your loss last. I have suffered 2 miscarriages out of 8 pregnancies and understand how hard it is. You are not alone in your suffering. You will find it amazing all of the people you know who "come out of the woodwork" now that you have become a part of a group you have never wanted to be a member of.
I will be praying for you in the coming weeks, that Christ will give you the emotional and physical strength that it takes to await the inevitable.
God bless you and your family during this time, thank you for sharing this part of your life in your blog. Although we have never met, we are family in the Lord.
Love in Christ,
Until then, (from a song we sing during trials)
Cheryl
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Bethany, I lost my baby at home. It took only about 24 hours from the time I knew it was gone. The doctor never acted like it was a big deal at all. He did want me to come in once the baby did come out. I had a lot of what felt like bad menstral cramps. I did bleed heavily. Then I felt basically a bubble. I knew it was something different and the baby did come. I saw it and held it and then took it into the doctor. The reason is they were going to do tests on it. I found out it was a boy and that it was nothing I did that causes it. I knew it probably wasn't but I had that fear. I had one blood clot that caused me to go back in a couple days later. I had some heavy bleeding but other than that I had no complications at all. I never once thought there would be. I don't know. I guess I never considered doing it any other way. I never thought that far ahead. Seems strange now, but I never did at the time. It really wasn't that painful though. Other than having some bad cramping...some that felt only slightly like contracting, I just curled up in a ball on my couch and just let it happen. I know you can handle it. I have no doubt. It's more the emotional side that is hard to handle. There is nothing good from this pain and that's what was hard. I just felt like telling you my experience since I never had a D & C. That scared me too. This is all hard to even think about I'm sure. But if you have any questions, you know I'm here to listen.
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Bethany, I'm so sorry! I will pray for you. I also miscarried twice, the first naturally and the second with a D&C for hemorrage. If you have any questions, please email me. I am so sorry you are going through this.
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Bethany, I'll keep praying for you! If I ever lost a baby, I wouldn't do the D&C, either... I'm glad your doctor today was more sympathetic and helpful.
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Cheryl, you are so right. Already I have been talking to so many women who have suffered a miscarriage, or more than one...and it's really amazing how many it has happened to. Really very sad too.
Sandi, thank you so much...it really helps to hear other's experiences so I have more of an idea what to expect.
Moey, I am so sorry for your losses as well!
Tammy thank you so much for your support...I appreciate it very much...
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I lost a baby almost 5 years ago. After waiting for over 6 weeks for a natural miscarriage, I opted for a d&c. A very hard decision for a homebirthing mama to make but the risk of infection was increasing with time and I just couldn't take waiting any longer.
One cycle later and I was pregnant with my sweet dd. I also have had two other children for a total of 7.
It is so hard now but you will be o.k. Your future pregnancies will be different because you will never take it for granted again. You will worry a bit more about everything but pray a lot and you will get through it.
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I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I have another dear friend going through the exact same thing. I must admit to not knowing what you are going through...but I can still, and will be praying for you. For God to show you his love and mercy and to help you and yours through this difficult time.
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We buried our m/c son in our back yard under a tree, too! It's awful that it happened (to either of us), but it's somehow comforting to me to see that other people have reacted the same way and chosen the same paths.
http://tinyurl.com/24fox4
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