Thank you so much
Thank you all so much for your kind words, emails, calls, and prayers. I feel so blessed to have people all over, some who don't even really know me, who are all so concerned and really care about what I'm going through. Thank you most of all for taking the time to pray.
Last night, I tried to sleep but was awake all night trying to put the pieces together. Before I had gone to bed, I was able to push it out of my mind by watching funny TV shows and talking to James about funny things that the kids do, but the second I laid on the pillow, tears started falling again.
I just kept trying to comprehend it all. I kept trying to go to sleep, but looked at the clock as it changed from hour to hour to hour. Finally, I got up out of bed at 6:00 and made some orange juice. I did notice my morning sickness was not there like usual. I had noticed the last couple of weeks it has been dying down and getting much better, but before yesterday, I just thought that I was "lucky" this time. I thought it was just ending a little earlier or something. I haven't felt the urge to throw up in a while (though I do still get nauseous slightly).
James seemed worried to leave me this morning, I could see in his eyes that he wanted to stay. He gave me a long hug and told me to have a good day. He's such a good husband, and has made things so much easier on me...without him I don't know what I'd do. There's no one else I really feel comfortable letting all my emotions out with. With most people, I will try to avoid crying or revealing my true emotions at all costs... but with him, I can tell him anything and it doesn't matter. If someone calls me and asks me how I'm doing, I just tell them I'm ok, that I'll be fine...it's too hard to tell them how I feel because I know I'll start crying and I don't want them to hear me crying. I guess I just don't want to burden them. I'll just avoid bringing any emotion into the conversation at all. But with James, he knows everything in my heart.
Today I'll be getting a blood test done to check my levels... I guess that this blood test combined with another one in the future will be what truly confirms what they've said. I would love to think they made some kind of mistake, but I would be foolish to get my hopes up and then get them crushed again.
My sister is very sweet...last night she told me that she's baking me some oatmeal butterscotch cookies and bringing them over. ----- By the way, she is getting married TOMORROW! Congratulations, Jennifer, I'm so excited for you! You can see her blog in my list of blogs on the left hand corner of this page. She also does some incredible graphic designs, which you can see on her ebay auctions here.----
I guess today I'll be researching some on how to handle a natural miscarriage, and what to expect. I know for sure that a D & C is not an option for me. The idea that the same people who do those also perform abortions...it's too hard for me to handle. Plus, there are so many risks with a D & C, and I'm not convinced it's a less painful alternative... and it can cause infertility which would be a horrible thing to go through. I know that a lot of people do it and have no problems, but I just can't take that chance.
James just called as I was typing, and he was checking on me to see how I'm doing. He's such a sweet heart.
Thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers and I hope you all have a wonderful day.
Last night, I tried to sleep but was awake all night trying to put the pieces together. Before I had gone to bed, I was able to push it out of my mind by watching funny TV shows and talking to James about funny things that the kids do, but the second I laid on the pillow, tears started falling again.
I just kept trying to comprehend it all. I kept trying to go to sleep, but looked at the clock as it changed from hour to hour to hour. Finally, I got up out of bed at 6:00 and made some orange juice. I did notice my morning sickness was not there like usual. I had noticed the last couple of weeks it has been dying down and getting much better, but before yesterday, I just thought that I was "lucky" this time. I thought it was just ending a little earlier or something. I haven't felt the urge to throw up in a while (though I do still get nauseous slightly).
James seemed worried to leave me this morning, I could see in his eyes that he wanted to stay. He gave me a long hug and told me to have a good day. He's such a good husband, and has made things so much easier on me...without him I don't know what I'd do. There's no one else I really feel comfortable letting all my emotions out with. With most people, I will try to avoid crying or revealing my true emotions at all costs... but with him, I can tell him anything and it doesn't matter. If someone calls me and asks me how I'm doing, I just tell them I'm ok, that I'll be fine...it's too hard to tell them how I feel because I know I'll start crying and I don't want them to hear me crying. I guess I just don't want to burden them. I'll just avoid bringing any emotion into the conversation at all. But with James, he knows everything in my heart.
Today I'll be getting a blood test done to check my levels... I guess that this blood test combined with another one in the future will be what truly confirms what they've said. I would love to think they made some kind of mistake, but I would be foolish to get my hopes up and then get them crushed again.
My sister is very sweet...last night she told me that she's baking me some oatmeal butterscotch cookies and bringing them over. ----- By the way, she is getting married TOMORROW! Congratulations, Jennifer, I'm so excited for you! You can see her blog in my list of blogs on the left hand corner of this page. She also does some incredible graphic designs, which you can see on her ebay auctions here.----
I guess today I'll be researching some on how to handle a natural miscarriage, and what to expect. I know for sure that a D & C is not an option for me. The idea that the same people who do those also perform abortions...it's too hard for me to handle. Plus, there are so many risks with a D & C, and I'm not convinced it's a less painful alternative... and it can cause infertility which would be a horrible thing to go through. I know that a lot of people do it and have no problems, but I just can't take that chance.
James just called as I was typing, and he was checking on me to see how I'm doing. He's such a sweet heart.
Thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers and I hope you all have a wonderful day.
Bethany,
I am so incredibly sorry to hear this devastating news. I have tears running down my cheeks! I don't even know what to say except that I am sorry and I will pray for you. I feel just awful.
Reply to this
Jaala that means a lot to me...thank you so much for the kind words...
I also wanted to tell you, please don't feel like you can't keep updating me on your baby situation...I would still love to hear how your baby is progressing! I know that when others have miscarried in the past, I have felt afraid to tell them about my pregnancies, so I was just going to let you know in case you felt like you didn't want to say anything more about it. I definitely want to be updated, and it won't bother me if you do.
Again, thank you so much for the kind words and support...I'll be posting an update as soon as I know more. >>hug<<
Reply to this
Oh my! I am so sorry! I hate to say this but I know what you're going through. I have lost 2 babies. One I didn't realize that I was even pregnant and then through blood tests it was determined I was but had lost the baby. The second one was much like yours. I went in for my 3 month sonogram and the doctor kept checking and clicking things on the computer monitor and the nurse took the tape out of the recorder without saying anything and then he told me that he couldn't find the heartbeat. I never cried until we left. I was in shock. I chose a D and C because there was NO WAY that I could handle waiting for the baby to come out naturally. I have a very good ob doctor so I felt comfortable with him doing it. Another reason I chose the surgery was because I suffer from post partum depression with all of my pregnancies and new that mentally I just couldn't cope with it naturally. I will pray for you that the Lord will give you the strength and courage to get through this and to comfort you and your family in your time of lose. May the Lord bless you.
Reply to this
Bethany, I am so sorry to hear about this news. I can only imagine how devastated you must be feeling. I left you a message at the art forum. Take care my friend.
Reply to this
Bethany, before you do anything, please make sure they do another ultrasound. Are you still having morning sickness? This must be so hard, again I am sorry.
Jennifer
Reply to this
Wendy, I am so sorry to hear of your losses. I know that second one must have been terribly painful for you, especially since you were even farther along.
Tcao, thank you and I got your message and replied. I appreciate it so much.
Jennifer, don't worry...there is absolutely no way I would take any measures unless there was no doubt whatsoever about my baby. I'm going to wait it out and see what happens. My next doctor's appt is Mar 7, and if I havent had the miscarriage by then, I might request another ultrasound. If it has though, then I'll have had it naturally.
Actually, yes I am still having morning sickness! But it is not as severe as it was in the beginning,...today I tested it, and did not eat anything for a couple of hours when I woke up...I did start to have gagging and feeling like if I didn't eat something, I would throw up, so I ate a graham cracker. I also still have sore breasts, and many of the other symptoms of pregnancy...but I think that since my body has not yet recognized the baby has passed on, it's possible that the hormones in my body are what is causing me to continue to have these symptoms, regardless of what is going on with the baby. I am afraid to get my hopes up about it, since I could get them crushed again. I would rather think the worst and be pleasantly surprised later, then to have hope and then be crushed again.
But I'm fairly certain the doctors are right...several of them have gone over the pictures, and all of them are 100 percent convinced it is certain that the baby has passed on.
Anyway, thank you so much for your comments, I really appreciate you all being there for me.
Reply to this