Reunion at my old school
I got an email last night announcing that the school I attended during 5th grade is going to be having a reunion and would like me to be there on January 13th. They are inviting anyone who had anything to do with the school there. I am planning to be there.
My 5th grade experience was pretty bad....bad enough that I have vivid memories of that year, and that year alone.
I do believe, however, that those bad experiences helped shape me into someone who can empathize with others better, maybe made me more caring? At least I would hope. I would hope that I never have treated anyone in a way that would hurt them as I was hurt at that age.
I think I would like to see what children who treat other kids badly grow up to become. Do they change their habits once they become adults? Or are they always the way they are?
What do they teach their kids about love and friendship and treating others with respect? Have they matured?
I am going to tell a little bit about my experience at this school, but don't want it to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, because I'm not.
I am going to just state what happened, in the most factual way I can. It doesn't bother me anymore, because I grew up and understand that it doesn't matter what other people think anymore (but I do feel so curious as to what these people will be like now). I also realize how kids are reflections of their parents and if the kids acted the way they did, they were following their parents example. It wasn't totally their fault.
I think a lot of my problem back then was that I didn't have enough confidence to stand up for myself when others told me bad things about myself. One of their biggest things to pick at was how "ugly" I was. Or so they told me. I was reminded of that 'fact' every day, and I remember the different ways in which I was told by almost every student in my class. Some of their favorite lines were, "You have such a dog ugly face that your mother probably can't stand to look at you", or "did you know that you have two veins going down from the sides of your lips to your chin? That really makes you look nasty", or "wow, your legs are so gross- don't you ever shave" ( I was 11 and started shaving after that comment)....there were so many ways I was talked to this way, and I truly did believe everything I heard, and every time a new thing was mentioned, I remember going to the bathroom, looking in the mirror, and seeing that imperfection they mentioned. I remember thinking there was something wrong with me. I would either try to cover that 'imperfection' up, or I would just cry for hours at home because there was nothing I could do about it. When you are young and you hear it every day, it's hard to ignore it or just pass it off as nothing, especially when you don't have anyone who tells you anything different.
I remember sitting at my own lunch table, because none of the other kids would sit by me. None of them. There were a couple who I believe would have sitten by me, but they were too afraid of becoming the laughing stock along with me, so they chose not to.
Sometimes teachers would feel sorry for me when they saw me sitting alone, and would sit with me to keep me company. I remember talking to a girl in another grade higher than me, who also didn't have any friends at school. Everyone treated her badly too. We became really good friends, but only got to see each other 1 time per day at lunch. Kid would walk by as they got their meals and would sneer at us and make rude comments. Or would get other kids to come by and then would try to get us to say something that they considered stupid and would laugh their heads off about it. One time I tripped with my food tray on my way to the table, and I remember all of the kids laughing at me ...no one bothered to help me up.
There were many times I was taunted for being naive about celebrities and TV, and for buying clothes at garage sales (we weren't able to afford anything better at the time). It's funny because now I brag to my friends about garage sale deals that I find! lol But at that time, it was a horrible thing to be shunned because of. I didn't buy my clothes at Belk Hudsons, and I didn't wear anything name brand. So I was definitely not 'worthy' of being in their presence.
I remember one time that two boys got mad at me for something, and I honestly can't remember what it was. Probably I didn't do something they told me to do. One of the boys grabbed my arms and pulled them behind my back, and the other boy punched me in the stomach as hard as he could. This was right on the playground....where was the teacher? Inside the building while we were outside with no supervision! I remember running to the bathroom and crying. They laughed at me as I ran, and when I got in the bathroom I remember crouching down and holding my stomach...a girl from 9th grade walked in the bathroom and was outraged that I had been treated this way. She told the principal about it and the boy was 'talked to'. After he was talked to, I remember he was even angrier with me, and after that spent much time talking to me about how stupid and ugly I was, tripping me in the hallway,etc. I was once locked in a closet for about 20 minutes.
This stuff went on the entire year, and after that, I was homeschooled.
I know this is silly, but I'd also like them to see what I've become. To show them that I grew up happy, despite their best efforts. Maybe it's crazy, but it would really feel good.
Oh Bethany, i'm so sorry you were treated that way in school. I can truly relate to you, although mine started in middle school and lasted until I ended up dropping out. Kids can be so cruel sometimes. But I do believe that what happens to us, good or bad, helps make us what we are today. And you are a loving, caring, and amazing woman!! I am very honored to call you a friend! **hugs**
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Bethany,
I can't believe you were treated that way. I can't believe it got that bad and no one did anything about it.
My ds who is now 8 was bullied by his "best friend" who has ADHD and lived down the street. I don't think he knew right from wrong and his parents made excuses for him all the time. he took my son's lunch, he pulled his pants down on the playground and all the other kids saw it and the aides did nothing, because they didn't see it. they were both sent to the principal's office for something that this other kid had done to my son and the principal did nothing.
I felt so bad for my son. He begged to be homeschooled for a few months before my husband would let us do it. It has been a constant rebuilding of confidence since that time. That 1 year was horrible (yet nothing compared to what you went through) and we are still recovering from it 1.5 years later.
I tell people why we started homeschooling and they still pressure me to put my kids back in school. yes we have moved, across the country, since that time, but kids are mean and I don't want anything like that happening again. So i won't put them in again.
I am so sorry you went through that. And people think bullying is bad today! It was nothing compared to what it was back then. Maybe that is why it is being cracked down on now, because of all the parents that were bullied when they were little?
I am glad that you are going to stand up for yourself and show them what a beautiful, talented, smart woman you have become. Let us know how it goes!
Jennifer
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Christine, thank you so much, that means a lot .
Jennifer, thank you so much for your kind words! This situation is definitely one of the factors in why I decided to homeschool. I never would want to be the one who put my child in a situation like that before they were prepared to take it on with confidence. At such a young age, children just don't know how to handle things like that, unless they're unusually mature. They need their parents to be there for them, teaching them that they are special regardless of what other people think. I think in an group school setting, kids want to find role models, and seek them out. They usually end up seeking out the wrong people...especially since a child cannot be a good role model for another child anyway. It's like the blind leading the blind. I firmly believe that children's role models should be their parents, not their peers.
I'm sorry your son was having to deal with that child. ADHD is no excuse...I really think that most (not all, but most) children who are called ADHD are either undisciplined, oversugared, and overstimulated (videogames, TV, etc). I know there are some actual cases that are much more difficult than that, but I've seen many kids who it was nothing more than a disciplinary problem.
I think homeschooling can be a tremendous confidence booster...you'll start to notice great changes in your son pretty soon, I'm sure of that! He'll feel secure in knowing that you're there for him and care about him. Don't ever let anyone talk you out of your decision. It's yours to make.
Thanks again for your comments!!
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Oh and Christine, I'm sorry to hear you had to drop out because of cruel classmates! That is just terrible. It's amazing how mean people can be!
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Oh Bethany, they only WISH they were you! Please print one of your beautiful artworks onto a t-shirt and wear it. I had some tough times in school too and I always lived in fear of being the outcast. I am excited for you that you will get to go and show what a lovely and loved person you are.
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Moey, thank you so much for your kind words!
I think I will be taking my portfolio with me, along with several business cards.
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Bethany,
I am sorry for your awful experience, and I can relate to it, too! I remember being in 5th grade and being taunted about my nose, my crooked teeth, and my ugly haircuts, and many other things. In sixth grade a boy who continually harrassed me did a terrible thing one day. After out in the playground during lunch recess he came running up behind me and jumped on my back and put his arms around me and with both hands grabbed my breasts and squeezed. I wasn't very developed but it hurt so bad, and I had two dirty handprints on my white blouse. I was so embarrassed and hurt. I ended up finally telling the teacher and principal. They did take it seriously and called in his parents. Because he had been harrassing me for two years straight and he wasn't doing well in school, they decided not to pass him into the junior high school. So as I went on to 7th grade, he remained at the elementary school in 6th grade the following year. I felt bad, but I knew it was justice for me. I don't think I could have gone on being tortured by that kid. He seemed to get his kicks out of picking on me, and only me! I know that incident dammaged me emotionally, but made me stronger too.
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I'm sorry that you had to deal with someone like that for 2 years! I'm glad you had the courage at that age to tell the principal...and you don't have any need to feel bad about it, because he brought it upon himself. You definitely did the right thing.
Oh and ouch! When your breasts are just coming in, that's when they REALLY hurt, even by being touched lightly. I remember that vividly! I'm sure that really hurt you, and humiliated you too!
It's amazing how many people have had these same experiences in school.
Makes me happy that we're homeschooling!
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Wow, I am horrified. Actually, I have an 11 year old right now, and we are debating whether to home school her starting next semester. Middle School is absolutely brutal even in the best of circumstances. I often feel very sad that the adults in these situations don't feel more empowered to do something to change them. I also had an 8th grade year in a school where everyone had grown up together and was pretty amazed at how unfriendly and unwilling to accept anyone new that those kids were. It was weird for me since the school I had come from was in a constant flux and everyone was very good at getting to know the new kids. That year was definitely a downer! Anyway, I am glad you have grown up to see some perspective on that year... and they were crazy... you are (and I am sure that you were) gorgeous! Which is probably why you had so much trouble that year. It just isn't fair, is it?
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That is wonderful that you are considering homeschooling your daughter. I hope she hasnt been having problems at her school too...
I agree with you that it's strange that the teachers don't do more to discourage that kind of behavior. I wonder if it's the fact that there are so many kids per teacher, and it's hard for the teacher to keep up with what they all are doing? Seems much easier for a parent to keep track of their own child, and teach their own child to be a kind and decent person.
Did I mention the school I went to was a Christian private school? It's hard to imagine, but it seems that the Christian private schools are even worse off that public schools in some ways. I have heard that it is because many of the kids are ones who have been rejected by public schools and are trying to put their kids in an environment where they'll become better people. So many of the kids who go to these Christian schools may make a profession of faith to get in, but are not actually Christians.
It may be better in other private schools, but that one (at least at that time) was not great.
Have you looked through Spunky Homeschools' site? You will find a wealth of information about homeschooling in there! (there's a link on the left hand corner of this blog).
You're right about kids not wanting to accept anyone new. and I think that might have been the reason I was their target. I had only started going to that school in fifth grade...and from the very first day, they would not accept me. So I think that probably was a very big factor...they already knew each other and I was the newbie. lol
Anyway, I know that you'll do a great job homeschooling if you do decide to do it! I'm hoping for the best!
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Whoa, sounds like I was writing my own 6th grade experience! It was absolute torture! I agree about it making you a more empathetic person. I know it helped me to be so much more caring. I wouldn't have chosen that experience for myself--but I can clearly see how God used it to refine me in many ways. Look at Joseph in the Bible, he came out on top, too!
Thank you for posting.
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I find it amazing that this experience is so common!
Leigh, you are absolutely right, and actually, Joseph is one of the characters in the Bible which always gave me inspiration to keep going during that time, that God had a plan and a purpose for me.
Thank you for your reply!
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Bethany, I have been reading your website for about a month now and have thought what a beautiful girl you are!!! I love the picture of you with your baby and the necklace. I've admired all the things you have done for someone so young. I am a 57 year old teacher and this is the first time I have ever left a comment on a blog. I'm sorry for what you had go through but we do know "That all things work together for the good to those who love GOD." (And you do!)
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Bethany,
I can't describe how horrible I feel for that little girl you just described. I can't believe you went through all of that an was able to come out the creative, beautiful human being that you show everyone on your blog. Thank you for sharing your story and Thank YOU for being an inspiration to a mom with 2 toddlers who love to gobble up your recipes
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